What I would have liked to have said

The tone of warning rang twice in my ear just like the thousands of times before.  Though it was only a warning you would be in my ear...
      I told you my name and asked what I could do for you.  Cedric was your name and you replied with dripping sarcasm, "Your mom lives in a van down by the river."
"Excuse Me?"
"Your mom lives in a van down by the river."
     Not really feeling like this was the time to tell him that she did not,  I ignored his comment and said, "Well, alright, so... how may I help you?"
"I SAID YOUR MOM LIVES IN A VAN DOWN BY THE RIVER!!!"
     I remained silent for a moment wondering if you were a prankster or an idiot.  I settled with the latter and said, "That's not something I can help you with."
No response came, just breathing.
"Why are you calling Sir?"
"Because your fucking mom lives in a van down by the river."
"You've said that already, so since it appears that your reason for calling was to be informative....we're all done here."
"I was calling because there's something wrong with my power."
"What is the problem Sir?"
"It's out."
"May I have your address please?"
"I live in California and your mom lives in a van by the river, that bitch lives in a van."

A part of me was amused, another unsettled and another growing increasingly upset only because my mom is not a bitch.  Though she probably would like living by the river, I am not sure she would like the van.  Thoughts of what to say next were swirling around.   I wanted to say, "Well, actually my mother doesn't, but I do and I love it.  Would you like to be my neighbor?"  This was one of the many ideas.  Instead, I lamely said that where my mom lives is not important.

Silence.

"So, I suppose I cannot help you, Would you like to speak to someone else?"
"Fuck you"
"I think you meant yes, please hold."